December 2011
Watchsecretofthetrees:
You’re An Animal (Fishing Remix) (by Kelsey Smith)
Kelsey makes such beautiful things.
Me: -Sigh- I wish I had someone to share the love of my favorite band with. I would really like that.
Friend: Hey I listened to your favorite band an-
Me: What the fuck do you think you are doing you are not allowed to do that shut up and go away.
gay male: i'm gay
straight female: OMG UR GAY LET'S BE BFFS CAN WE GO SHOPPING TOGETHER OMG
gay female: i'm gay
straight female: EW GET AWAY FROM ME U DYKE DONT TOUCH ME GROSS LESBIAN GERMS
And let's not forget -
Gay female: I'm gay
Straight male: OMG SO HOT. DAMN. CAN I FUCK YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHILE SOMEONE FILMS IT. TOUCH HER BOOOBS. BOOOOOOOOBS.
Gay male: I'm gay
Straight male: HOLY SHIT IT'S A HOMO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME FUCKIN HOMO. BACKS AGAINST THE WALL GUYS.
person: what's worse than being lonely
me: rape, child abuse, murder, poverty in third world countries
person:
me: i'm just sayin'
“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope...”
– Neil Gaiman (via compassio)
walks into chair
me: sorry
chair:
In real life
when you meet someone a few years older than you: oh my god, you're so OLD i can't talk to you i'll embarrass myself oh dfhsfg
when you meet someone a few years younger than you: ew, no, get away from me, I'll break your brain with my knowledge.
online
when you meet someone a few years older than you: I DON'T EVEN CARE, LOOK WE LIKE THE SAME STUFF, YOU'RE SO AWESOME, I LOVE YOU, I'M GONNA TALK TO YOU ALL THE TIME.
when you meet someone a few years younger than you: d'awwwwww omg *squish squish* ilu you're so cute, here, read some porn.
friend: i got an A on my calculus test
friend: i got a hot boyfriend
friend: i had so much fun partying this weekend
me: one time i got four notes on a text post i made
one half of tumblr: “i just wanna cuddle under a blanket and eat soup and watch movies all day with you and maybe kiss your cheek and stare into your eyes and hold your hand and tell you i love you”
other half of tumblr: “unf i want to take all of your clothes off with my mouth then ram you against the wall and pin your arms up and then just fuck the shit out of you”
Because honestly, who's going to love a fucked up...
mom: what do you want for christmas
me: you can't give me what i want
mom: but what do you want
me:
mom: i'll give you anything
me: a band member
mom: what
me: what
pradaupchicken:
if you say ‘benedict cumberbatch’ really quick it sounds like ‘you perfect fucking asshole what is your face what is your hair what are your eyes what is your everything what are you doing on this planet leave and never return this is why i can’t have nice things because you ruin them with your face’
20 Years From Now:
Husband: Why do you have a blog with pages and pages of my face?
Me: Honey, that was before we got married.
